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SIATSIA Excerpt 2

April 15, 2013

Wow. So i just had a couple of really silly dreams about Bryan. This crush developed out of nowhere. Like, you know, i had seen him in school (again, omg small school), but never really noticed him or anything. But, like, now that i’ve talked to him, babbling and all, i’m kind of like, “How have i never noticed this kid before?!” And so he’s been in my head constantly.

i simultaneously love and hate crushes. It’s been a long time since i have had one like this, and every time, i forget how maddening and giddy and painful it can be. i wake up in the morning, and i wonder if i’ll see him at school, if he’ll talk to me. If he’ll send me a message on Facebook  to talk about this whole study thing. And it might not be so bad if it was just a couple minutes of daydreaming, except that it’s been starting to distract me CONSTANTLY and has now permeated my freaking dreams, too. That part is worse, actually, because the dreams were perfect and awesome, and then i woke up and it felt an awful lot like heartbreak – all over some straight boy i barely even know or ever noticed before.

Yeah, so in this one dream of mine, we’re studying at Starbucks or something, and we have all these flashcards of vocabulary made up on Post-Its; we’re playing memory or something (a good idea, actually, that i think i will actually try). As his hand goes out to straighten a card, i reach mine out to pick a card, and our hands touch. Bryan pulls his hand away and blushes as i make another victorious match, super vocabulary genius that i am (hey, it’s a dream after all).

The word/definition match is “furtive,” and in the game, you have to use the word in a sentence correctly to secure the match, or the other player gets it. And so i tease him and say, “Hey straight boy, are you furtively trying to hold my hand in this roomful of caffeine-hopped, conservative soccer moms?!” And we laugh as he kicks me under the table. After we kick at each other for a while so hard that one of the books gets knocked off the table, we stop laughing and settle down – but with our legs kind of criss-crossed or something so that one of his shoes is against mine, and he doesn’t move it away when I nudge my foot a little closer to stay in contact with him. In fact, he smiles… And then i woke up, of course.

It drives me nuts because it’s right at that point in the dream that my stomach does this butterflies in my stomach flip-flop thing that no one ever seems to forget the feeling of, and when i wake up, i remember that we haven’t started studying, i hate Starbucks, and, oh, just that Bryan is straight IRL. What can you do…

Also, i dreamt that we went to a speedway to watch races and eat tons of junk food, totally oblivious to all the trashy types drinking their Budweiser and Miller Lite in the dusty heat. That one was just super weird…

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From → fiction, SIATSIA

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