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Today is one of those days…

July 13, 2013

You know, the kind where you just want to give up. I can quit writing, quit making jewelry, just bury myself in work and my pointless graduate studies. Most of the year, I work 80+ hours a week without graduate school. I have no time left to do the things I need to do around the house, much less paint, write, create jewelry, or even just read.

So I get a little pissed off when I finally get some time to myself and am treated like I’m a slacker.

Every day, I try to make things right at home, and every day I feel more useless. This isn’t how my life was supposed to be.
On the plus side of the day, I got the best texted typo today from an awesome old friend: how bother and F*ck sound alike to siri is beyond me, but the result was fantastic.

“May I f*ck you to please text me an address thank you.”

Followed shortly by:


Absobloodylutely amazing. I was howling with laughter.

The boyfriend did not share in my amusement, nor did he want to hear about my very silly escapade on the town last night with some friends. He actually cut me off.

I suppose it’s not as bad as the ex who told me he frankly didn’t care about hearing about my day, but it is pretty darn close. If I disappeared, would he even notice? I suspect he’d just be annoyed that he would be left to feed the animals.

Sigh. It doesn’t seem fair. I do a pretty good job of holding my head high every single day, but I’m at the point of collapse right now. I feel like I can’t even take a day to go fishing because it means I’m not working hard enough at home. (I love fishing.)

I am lost. I am tired. This might be my last post for a while. I have to give something up, and as usual, it’s going to be any creativity. Instead, I’ll fix the dryer. I’ll refinish the porch. I’ll build the fence around the garden. I’ll study. I’ll work. I’ll cook. I’ll clean even more. I’ll start getting up at 430 again so I can get it all done. I’ll run with the dogs. But something has to give before I break, and it’s easier just to hide.


From → rants

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