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today I threw a shit fit

November 9, 2013

Rumors are flying at my  primary place of employ, and it has me freaked the hell out. I may get fired. I may have to take on a three hour commute, or it could all just be rumor, but I couldn’t stop crying earlier. Co-workers are buzzing with these rumors, and right now, I just can’t take it. I’ve decided to step away from that reality, cut ties with everyone for a while. I told MTIA he could reach me via phone. He wanted to talk, to be there for me, but I won’t let anyone see me break, not even him. Bless his heart for trying to be there for me. Right now, I just can’t handle anyone. And he has too much on his plate already. He doesn’t need more pain or sadness.

I’m curled up on the couch watching EPL with a few of my herd, and at least they are happy. If I didn’t have them, if I didn’t love my family, I’d give up right now.  I’m grateful for what I have. I’ll hold onto that.

If these rumors are true, though, I may lose everything. So there’s nothing I can do but wait. Eff you, world. Sometimes our best just ain’t good enough.

MTIA was supposed to call tonight. He didn’t. Guess he got drunk again. The last he could have done was call to say he was busy. Even a text. So Fuck that. There is nothing left to say.


From → fiction, rants

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