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I’m run down, I’m broken…

November 18, 2013

Today I got bit on my other arm by a member of the lately surly herd. I don’t know what’s getting into them, but I’m seriously tired of breaking up fights.

Today has been quiet. I sent a short email to MTIA and a friendly text to TLTL. I chose some songs to put on a mix cd for MTIA, and u thought about the mix tape TLTL never finished for me so many years ago. I worked on the painting I’ve decided to give to MTIA and then have tattooed on my back.

I hope that he will ask me to come see him at work on Tuesday or Wednesday night. But I will stay quiet, only speaking when spoken to. I may just leave the painting at his door some morning as a surprise.

I wish we lived in a world where gender and sexual identity didn’t matter.

I worry that if MTIA and I ever decide to work through our fears that we will aid and abet each other’s neuroses. Oh goody. That’s how suicide pacts happen.

Ack. I just gave myself the willies.

Tomorrow, I’ll work on the mix cd, hopefully finish the painting, record some music. And that is in addition to the  regularly scheduled work day.

My brain is falling apart. I have to let go of some of my empathy. It’s… too much. It just feels so Damn good to let go and ride the waves of others’ emotions. It doesn’t even always feel good, like now, but it’s just so easy to let it happen.

It’s funny, I spent my life trying to learn how to be sympathetic to people, and instead I ended up an empath. A useless one, too, since I can’t control it. I seriously need some balance. No wonder I never know who I am.

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From → fiction, rants

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