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Rebounds are for basketball.

December 23, 2013

No wonder I hate basketball.

It’s not who I am.

I am also the type o hold my emotions in as long as I can handle it.

So when MTIA walked into the bar for, saw my sitting by myself watching hockey, and all he did was wave and grimace, I lost my mind.

“TLTL, I can’t stay. I’m sorry, but this is too much,” I texted him. And of course, TLTL now knows about MTIA. I finished my beer, and texted TLTL to say I was leaving. He came out to hug me, and I started sobbing into his shoulder. “I thought I could take it,” I sobbed.  “But MTIA  couldn’t be bothered to talk to me. Instead, he grimaced, offered a small finger wave, and was gone to drink with his more worthy friends. ”

When I got home, I left this mess.

the equivalent of a dozen hand made mugs smashed on my floor

the equivalent of a dozen hand made mugs shattered on my floor

TWICE in my life have a thrown things: once I threw a bottle of aerosol spray across a room at a friend’s insistence when I saw me teetering on the edge. And one I threw I salt skaker I had purchased in Thailand; I was able to glue the latter back together. This  time, though, I want after mug after mug, shattering them until I couldn’t break them into smaller pieces. There is no hope of repair.

When I stormed out and finally made my way home, I just started smashing. I had to go back to the shelf where each mug sat. Sometimes, I had to smash the same mug multiple times.

MTIA said in a text that I was using him as a rebound.

“A REBOUND?!” I retorted. “Do you have any clue how much I LOVE you?”

See. I told you this would end in pain and degredation.

I asked for the painting back. I said, destroy it, Fuck it. I dont’ care. It has no meaning anymore.

I overdoesd my my anti-anxiety medication, I’m drinking a beer. TLTL called to see how I was. I texted both MTIA and TLT to forget me. I am entirely replaceable.

MTIA said he was trying to catch my eye, but I was drinking a beer, Alone. It wouldn’t have been so hard to just approach me.

MTIA, you are a selfish piece of shit. He refused to acknowledge the condom on the floor when I called him out of it via text.

TLTL called to see how I am. I’m taking sleeping pills and drinking beer.

MTIA, you don’t know me. You don’t know that my dead sister’s anniverary was yesterday. Today her bithday. Now our first Christmas without her. Why can’t this shit just STOP?

Fuck you, you shit. Go fuck your abuvsive slut of a roommate, you shithead. She’ll make you exactly what you deserve to be for once in your life – a vapid, useless slut.

Still, MTIA sticks by me. I wish he’d jsut go away. I wish this whole year would go away.

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