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Quit Acting Like a Faggot, Faggot.

January 20, 2014

TLTL texted me upon waking and is “very sorry” for his actions. You can be sorry all you want, you know, but unless you change your ways, it doesn’t amount to much. It’s progress that he acknowledges his stupidity, but it doesn’t change the fact that he still acts like a drunktard on the regular. On Saturday night, he and a friend (both drunk) beat a guy up… wait for it… because they were concerned about his bicycle safety. Really. He was wearing all black, no helmet, no lights, so TLTL yelled as much to him, and the guy cycled back to start with them. Seriously? You beat the shit out of someone over bicycle safety? Frankly, I think he’s lucky that no one jumped THEM since TLTL called the guy a “faggot” (see previous posts regarding the use of this term in different contexts). There have been a few incidents recently in their neighbourhood that have targeted the gay community. It would be more than a little ironic if TLTL got himself arrested for a seemingly similar incident.

He is an idiot. He needs to watch his mouth. He’s lucky that he’s not sitting in the pokey waiting for a trial date. Not everyone is as liberal regarding the acceptance of the term “faggot” in place of “jerk,” and TLTL needs to know it. Had I been with him, I would have stormed off before it escalated into a physical confrontation. Are we not yet adults? How many hot-headed people do I have to watch blow a gasket over something ridiculous before enough is enough?

Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

I can picture a trial in my head where TLTL testifies that while he dates both women and men, he prefers men, and has, in fact fucked over 50 of them. It’s ridiculously stupid, but a fun drama to watch unfold in my head.

TLTL’s Lawyer, in his closing argument:

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, before you begin your deliberations regarding my client’s innocence or guilt, let me remind you that there exists in this case no evidence of a hate crime. Both defendants, during questioning by the police, had identical stories regarding an argument over Mr. Hipster-on-a-Bike’s safety; Mr. Hipster-on-a-Bike does not contest that he was wearing all black, had no helmet, and had neither front nor rear lights. Mr. TLTL does not contest that he called Mr. Hipster-on-a-Bike both an “asshole” and a “faggot,” but this does not a hate crime make. Let me remind you that Mr. TLTL is not only a part of the queer community where the incident took place; he is also very “active” in the community. By this, I mean that he is a ginormous slut. His housemates, when called as character witnesses, both corroborated this fact by presenting a calendar they kept during the year of 2013 which contained notes on each individual Mr. TLTL brought home, whether the individual was a “repeat offender,” and whether the individual was male or female. In light of this, you all, as members of the community should weigh your decision carefully. When you do, you will have no choice but to deliver a Not Guilty verdict. My client is an asshole and an alcoholic, but he did not commit a hate crime.

In fact, had Mr. Hipster-on-a-Bike not ridden back toward the defendants, the fight would have never occurred. Moreover, my client had no prior knowledge of Mr. HoaB’s sexual orientation; he identifies as a cis-gender male, actually. If you return a guilty verdict, you are setting a precedent for anyone to accuse another of a hate crime, and in so doing, you make it that much harder for victims of actual hate crimes to seek the justice they deserve. Remember: the prosecution has not made its case beyond reasonable doubt of my client’s guilt of either of the charges which you must now deliberate. Had Mr. HoaB kept riding, the fight would not have occurred. In choosing to cycle back to the defendants and provoke them, he nullifies the prosecution’s argument that this is a case of assault and battery. When the defendants called Mr. Hoab an “asshole,” it was in the context of Mr. Hoab’s violation of bicycle laws and flippant attitude toward general bicycle safety.

We are all aware of the power of words, but we must not allow freedom of speech to be taken away from any individual. You, ladies and gentlemen, have the power to protect our rights as individuals. Calling someone a “faggot” outside the context of homosexuality is not a hate crime. I’ll be the first to acknowledge that it’s stupid and that my client, under the influence of alcohol, lacked a verbal filter. Hell, even sober he lacks a verbal filter. Words only have as much power as we give them. Please keep all of this in mind as you deliberate, and you will find that you must deliver a Not Guilty verdict in this courtroom today. Thank you for your time, ladies and gentlemen. The prosecution rests.”

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