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Twig enters the world of genderqueer sketch comedy. This should be interesting.

June 22, 2014

It’s late at night and I’m sitting in the backyard with beer and cigarettes, staring at a blank page.

I’ve been dragged on board to be a part of a talented acquaintance’s new trans/queer comedy project, and I’m supposed to be writing…something. I’ve cautioned her that I’m chronically unfunny, but both she and I hope that this may actually work in my favor for a change.

The only funny thing I’ve thought up this week was a random thought I shared with Ro:
“Do you think that when Jesus left a door open, his mom asked him, ‘Jesus! Were you born in a barn?'”

Hahaha. Haha. Ha.

Oh, and because having to write sketch comedy isn’t already bad enough, guess who else has a hand in this project?

MTIA.

Of course. *headdesk*

I backed out of a great party a week ago because he’d be in attendance and now I will be working with him? Clearly I am a sucker for punishment.

And, oh, fuckity fuckity fuck fuck. The CAB (crazy ass bitch, since it’s been a while that I last mentioned her) will also be a part of this lovely little fucked up comedic troupe.

Not that I’m keeping track, but that means that MTIA has hooked up with at least three of the group’s nine other members.

But, you know, I’m the slutty one.

I want to write in a female character who only falls in love with gay men. I’m not sure what sort of interesting twists I can put on this, but I suspect that any parodies I make of the CAB will get me removed from the writing position right quick. I was surprised to see CAB on the list, though, since I’m pretty sure the only thing she’s good at doing is throwing histrionic fits on an epic scale. Anyway… I’ve been given approval to go ahead with my female character who will be embodied as Gregor-as-Beetle from Kafka’s the Metamorphosis. There’s irony in that she’s represented by a male character here, too… a play on gender identity. I’ll put her in lots of awkward situations with girls where she gets offended, or horrified when she finds that her latest crush is actually a butchy lesbian. I’m taking a no holds barred approach to my satire, and I’m going to have to hope that I am a) talented enough to write it and b) the audience is savvy enough to pick up on the commentary regarding society’s social norms regarding gender identity and sexual orientation.

Sigh.

On top of this, I finally put a deposit down to start working on the tattoo sleeve I’ve been wanting – a version of the painting I gave to MTIA. Go figure.

Things are at a complete standstill with Ro. We spend time together every single day, but we’ve both put our online dating profiles back up. There is no cuddling. No kissing. I can barely stand it. How in the hell am I going to work with MTIA after all the awfulness between us and when thinking of him still breaks my heart?

This would be why I took two anxiety pills and am drinking my beer in the dark, I suppose.

Ah, and lest I forget to mention it: TLTL has messaged me a few times… once to say he was driving behind me in traffic, and another just to say hi. *headdeskheddeskheaddesk* WHY?!

I have exes sending me texts and emails, liking new pictures I’ve posted on facebook, got a message offering to lend me copies of the second and third Bioshock games from my only-ever-just-friends friend, and yet I’m dead in the water dating online, except that the creepy doctor who once messaged me about kink has re-surfaced. I thought I had blocked him. Hell, I thought I had blocked TLTL, too.

I suspect that MTIA will keep his distance when he sees the tattoo. And I can’t blame him, because, let’s be real here: he is very much a part of that painting because he was in my thoughts while I created it, because he understood all of the subtle symbolism I had placed within it without me having to explain, &c., &c., &c. But also, I absolutely love that painting. If I get it adapted for a tattoo, no one can take my art from me.

Unless they cut off my arm, which happened in an episode of some crime drama I stumbled upon recently. The studio says I’m looking at about 10-15 hours of work. So I guess I’d better start making some money from my art and writing. Hell, I offered to work at the tattoo parlor part time for admin stuff because, and I quote, “it seems like fun.” They laughed at me and said I’m insane. But I’ll ask again.

In the meantime, I’m sending off SIATSIA to a small queer publishing company in the next couple weeks, and business is picking up a bit for my artwork. I also desperately need one of my tenants to pay me in back rent STAT, so at least I’ll have that to start on the tat with.

Under my belt right now, I’ve got a book’s cover art with my name attached to it, and I just designed Ro’s first tattoo for him.

Well, this was a lovely freewrite, but meds+beer are kicking in and I’m out of cigarettes.

Feedback, please? I bake KILLER virtual brownies in exchange for your thoughts.

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