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A new chapter in the same old story.

June 27, 2014

Or maybe it’s going to be a repeat of a previous chapter.

MTIA reached out to me today in the hopes that we can sit in the same room on Sunday and work on this comedy project without any animosity or awkward tension. What resulted were several long back and forth emails that have left both of us utterly confused, but in seeming agreement that a) we both care about each other very much and b) we will be fine on Sunday.

I sure as hell don’t feel fine, though.

In one email, he tells me nothing was my fault.
In another, I prodded him into an abusive relationship.

I am the reason he started cutting again.

I did not tell him the same was true for me. I have not cut in six months, I don’t think. We’ll go with that.

A few days have actually passed, and tears have been shed over more correspondences between MTIA and me. Today the message he sent simply read, “Hugz.”

Yesterday, I broke down twice in the middle of my gym workouts with Ro because of back pain. The breakdowns were less about the actual pain and more about feeling like a damn invalid.

And yet, I’m about to go mow the lawn because, well… I have to.

I’m not going to complain. I’m going to be  a ray of sunshine.

(I seriously need to edit this post.)

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