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He Cancelled. Again.

January 16, 2015

Dinner is off. FastCar is sick again. He cancelled on Tuesday because his roommate was sick. He doesn’t want to get me sick.

“I’m not trying to blow you off,” he said.
Well you’re sure not going to get blown if you keep bailing on me, I didn’t say.
“No problem. Take care of yourself,” I wrote. I didn’t smile like I usually would when I said it.
“Thank you for being so awesome.”
Thanks for having a still active dating profile.
“No problem,” I said.

In my head, I know he’s legitimately sick, and I’ve been sick a lot too. But in my heart, I’m giving up. I wanted tonight to talk to him about us. Instead, I’m going to stay home and do nothing. Except maybe get absolutely shit faced. That seems like a grand plan.

“I miss you,” he texted later.

I didn’t say, “I love you.”

Why can’t I ever walk away from anyone I love when it’s the right thing to do?

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