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The past month (or two) has been a blur – my bad.

March 5, 2015

After my previous post, things went quickly down hill… like sled on a steep, icy slope quickly. Whoosh…

So FastCar ends up leaving town before we ever really get a chance to talk, but not before I freak out completely in a text message. Plans were cancelled, rescheduled, cancelled again: Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

So I flipped, yeah. I wanted to talk to him so badly in person about us, and it seemed like he was blowing me off. As it turns out, he wasn’t, but I nearly found it out too late. As irony would have it, he was avoiding me because he thought had broken up with him. I didn’t know we were in enough of a relationship to even make that a possibility.

But while chatting one night after work, he mentioned that the friend he’s staying with in order to avoid living in a hotel for a month was drunk (so was FastCar) and wanted to fool around. Great. Sucker punch Twig, whydon’tcha?

“Are you gonna?” I asked him.

“No,” he said. “I’m a good boy.”

I thought about this for a moment before I replied, “I could make you less good.” He’s several hundred miles away again. And things couldn’t really get worse than they were, so I decided to try flirting again after several weeks of barely a hello from him each day.

“You keep saying that, but in person, it appears to be a different story,” he wrote back. “I thought you weren’t interested.”

“Not interested?” I was staring at the phone, trying to decide what else to say. I chose honest words. “Why would you think that? I want to express my very keen interest of you, but lately, there’ve always been other people with us, and as a result, it was never really appropriate to grope you. Believe me, I’d like to grope you. Like, a lot.”

It was a few minutes before he replied. “Heh,” he sent. “I thought you broke up with me when you were super upset that one night.” That was fair. I was REALLY upset that night and may or may not have said I felt unloved and unappreciated about 500 times.

“Oh, god, FastCar.” I sent one rapid, typo-laden text after another.
“I never meant to convey that I didn’t want to be with you. Send.
“Maybe it’s too late to say it, but I never meant to hurt you.”
Send.
“Or to make you think I didn’t care about you.”
Send.
“I care about you so very, very much.”
Send.
“It’s just… like…”
Send.
“Well, I didn’t know how you felt about me. And we never got a chance to talk about it like we said after That Night.” Send.
“So I turned into That Guy and looked to see if you were still active on the dating site.” 
Send.
“You were.” 
Send.
“Instead of talking to you about it, I decided to bury it, but it just hurt more.” 
Send.
“I wanted to talk to you about it.” Send.
“In person.” Send.
“Not via text. Not like this.” 
Send.
And I sighed, looked around my empty living room, and slumped over on the couch dramatically.

It was only a minute, but an infinitely long one before he replied. “Twig… Ugh. I’m not seeing anyone besides you. I stayed active on the site because an old friend found me and we had been chatting back and forth through there.” This sounds like bullshit, but it’s so obviously a bullshit sort of story that it might just be true, I decided.

“Ugh, indeed,” I wrote. “See? This is why I wanted to talk to you, and not have this conversation via text.” I didn’t wait for his response before sending, “Here’s the long and short of it. I nearly lost you because neither of us communicated any hurt or fear or frustration. Maybe I’ve already lost you. But even if I have, I will not make that mistake again; FastCar, I will not let another day go by without telling you how amazing I think you are, how much I care about you, and that YOU are the ONLY person I want to be with.”

“Wow.”

Really?  I get just “wow“? I couldn’t really blame him, though. He went from thinking we had broken up – that I had dumped him – to finding out that the very opposite was true. I do love a good irony.

***

All this went down at the beginning of January, and we went back to talking throughout the day and night every day and night while he was away. And then it was Valentine’s Day. And he was home for the weekend and spending it with me. And that’s how I wound up in his bed that night after too much dinner and snuggling. And how, in conclusion, I ended up with a wonderful boyfriend who I absolutely love and adore. Granted, nothing has changed except our clear, mutual exclusivity – we’d been dating six months as of mid-February, but still… it’s different. Because, you know…

I HAVE A FREAKING BOYFRIEND AGAIN!!!!!! 

There’s a lot of other stuff happening here, too, with my health and employment (the latter of which I try not to talk about, but really, really need to right now) but I’ll have to save that for another day. I have 8 weeks to lose about 20 lbs so a new group of medical specialists doesn’t beat the ever living hell out of me – long story that I don’t have time to tell because I need to go work out before I wrap up my day.

I HAVE A FREAKING BOYFRIEND AGAIN!!!!!!

 

 

 

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