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Whorish Twig is Sad Twig

June 7, 2016

Where do I even begin?

Probably with the fact that I’m hungover.

And single.

The hangover is new.
Being single is not so new.

It turns out all my nagging feelings that something wasn’t quite right between FastCar and me were correct. So I broke up with him in a text while he slept.

This makes me a fairly crappy person, I realize, but since he refused to take the time to talk, he didn’t deserve more than that.

I’m heartbroken, but trying to be kind in case he ever remembers what it’s like to be in love with me.

So, of course my instinct is to call MTIA.

I pulled him aside while we were out carousing to tell him I made out with his ex. And then I made out with him, too. Okay, I may have pulled him into the backstage men’s room and groped him a little. Or a lot. And I may have whispered something in his ear about tying him up. Maybe.

I feel crappy.

But he was wearing a dress and pretty much dared me to make out with him. I’m a sucker for pretty boys in dresses.

The aftermath has been dreadful… realizing that i can’t tell FastCar about it, or at least I’m not ready to tell him about it, the fact that there really is still nothing between MTIA and me, and that I’ve stepped right back into the bizarre love triangle between me, MTIA, and his ex in a very big and wildly whorish way.

I don’t want to fall back into love  with MTIA so hard that my heart aches. If I could handle being in an open relationship, that would be awesome, but I can’t. It’s just…not me.

“Wow, so I’m that big a slut?” he asked me in response.
“Of course not,” I chided. We were still locked in the bathroom, but I had pulled away from him and was trying to adjust my clothes a tad. “You just…love a lot.”
“And who else do I love besides you?”
“Well, you love Drew, for a start.”
MTIA closed his eyes for a second and thought. “Yeah, that I do.”
“See? I’m not just making stuff up.”
“But you’re my favorite,” he said. I don’t know whether or not he was kidding, but I suspect I was only MTIA’s favorite because I was the one there, the one who had just pushed him into the corner of the bathroom.

So between the hangover, the fact that I was already bummed out, and the depression that comes with drinking, today is a bummer of a day. I need to reinvent myself. Or, perhaps more accurately, I need to rediscover myself.

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