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seriously, this night…

June 19, 2016

Could only get a bit more peculiar if one of my dogs stopped snoring, looked up at me, and said, “Me Tie Doughty Walker.”

Those of you who read the first Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark by Alvin Schwartz know what the hell I’m talking about.

But right now, it’s that kind of night.

And yeah, I’m going to be the first person to admit that some of those stories still scare the bejeezus out of me.

Especially the pictures.

....especially the pictures...

….especially the pictures…


Jesus Christ. Now I have to sleep with the lights on.

This wasn’t even the point of my story.

It was supposed to be about how TLTL is back to being drunk texting me he loves me.

I’m ignoring the texts, naturally, but there is now no way in hell i’m going to let him into my house to help do some work for me. Hell no.

And FastCar said earlier, “I should have come over to your place.” You think?? Let me play you some Jeff Buckley “Lover You Should Have Come Over” for you real quick like, you jackass.

So, yeah, there are two things likely never combined: Alvin Schwartz and Jeff Buckley.

Because this is apparently what happens when I’ve had ONE glass of wine. ONE.

Incidentally, “Lover” and “Lilac Wine” were two of my favorite songs a long time ago, and it’s probably been a decade since I’ve actually listened to the former, but MY GOD, FastCar, I wish you could just listen to this and wake the hell up. Or, frankly, any one of my jackass exes who screwed up. Or I ought to listen to it more. I don’t know.

I can’t focus because I’m still freaked the fuck out by the artwork of Stephen Gammell. Damn you, good sir. Slenderman be damned, your work is scary as shit.

I’m still afraid Harold the scarecrow is going to skin me alive.

And yet that’s somehow still preferable to responding to any of TLTL’s drunk texts.

If he says he loves me one more time, I’m going to scream.

And I still haven’t finished my damned glass of wine.



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